Pink tree blossoms have bloomed all over Sacramento. The sun is shining and though I know that it’s still winter it feels like spring on this Valentine’s Day.

Yesterday I spoke with my editor about the changes I will make to my fiction novel. There’s a vulnerability that comes with being a writer. Ernest Hemingway said it best, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” Then when you’ve given over your soul to your story you get to have others review it and tell you what they like and dislike. When the book is done readers will critique your creation. I liken it to standing naked in front of the world while people criticize or compliment not only what I look like but who I am.

In order to be a great writer I know I have to go through this process. The first time it happened I wanted to defend my writing and make excuses for why I wrote what I did. I spent days wanting to never write again. Over the years, I’ve come to a place where I can listen to the critique, take in what makes sense, sit with what I’m uncertain about, and do it all without losing my confidence. I find that editorial advice is my greatest asset and if I simply allow myself to take it in without my ego getting in the way then my writing becomes stronger.

As humans we’re terrified of judgement. Maybe it goes back to the first time we’re scolded as kids or embarrassed by a teacher for doing something wrong. I’m uncertain what causes us to be afraid of rejection or criticism, but many people spend their lives afraid to open themselves to a vulnerable place.

The place where this kind of exposure is the scariest is in personal relationships. In order to love and to be loved we have to let someone into the deepest parts of our being. We have to trust another with the most sensitive parts of ourselves. Great relationships work when we allow another human to see our truth, our dreams, our perceived flaws and we see theirs and we are loved and love them deeply for exactly who they are.

The problem that arises is that people aren’t always gentle with others hearts. There’s a selfishness that runs through our world – love me the way I want you to love me and then I will love you back. Become the person I want you to be and then you will be worthy of me. I watch men approach women in social settings and even though the man is being sincere, the woman brushes him off like he’s beneath her so that her ego feels better never seeing that the man was in a vulnerable situation.

I believe the most exposed place of all is when we share our biggest dreams with other people. Our dreams are the place where we realize the person we wish to become. They are the path to the life we want to live. To state your dreams is like stripping off not only your clothing but your human form and saying, “Here’s my soul for you to judge. Do you think I’m worthy of having everything I desire?”

It’s in our vulnerability not our egos where our spirits reside. It’s in the place where we strip away the external. If people became more willing to open up with less worry about others judgement I believe many more people would be able to love deeper, live fuller, and in turn open a place for the people around them to do the same. It’s when our hearts are open that we are actually our strongest, but in order to understand this first we must let go of our fear that we aren’t enough.

My editor called me this morning to discuss the timeline and the changes I will be making to my book. As we spoke, I found myself laughing and relaxing. Lauren is a writer’s dream come true. She’s an editor dedicated to this story like a parent to a child. Her enthusiasm for what we’re going to accomplish together makes me even more excited to write. Through the whole process my agent has held my hand and cared deeply about my career. I couldn’t be more grateful today for such incredible, powerful women in my life.

I began to think about the other people in my life that help me to make my dreams come true: my mother who taught me to dream big; my skating coach who pushes me beyond my comfort zone; my business partner who handles all the things I’m horrible at; my vendors who create incredible products; and my friends who help me when I’m technologically inept.

In order to go after my dreams I’ve needed the help of others. And though there was a time when I hated asking for help, I’ve come to realize that a team of people you adore makes life and work so much more enjoyable.

I received my first check as a fiction writer this past weekend. It was an exciting moment. This was the biggest dream I wanted to come true and here was more proof that I accomplished my goal. There’s a tremendous amount of work ahead, but I’m thrilled to do it. I’ve also started researching the travel I would like to do to complete more of the items on my list. I’m unsure how I’m going to make it all happen, but as I look forward to the possibilities, figure out my starting point, and what I’ll need to do to get where I want to go I’m energized to take on the challenges and accept the miracles that seem to come when I decide that no matter what I will attain my goals.

Now on to the topic of the week – Regret.

This past week a friend said to me, “I’m so afraid to heal the pain in my life because if I can heal it now then why couldn’t I have healed it ten years ago. I’ve been stuck in this rut for so long and if I start to feel better then I’ll know that I wasted all those years feeling bad. I don’t want to feel that regret.”

This statement might sound strange but it’s common. I have another friend who’s in a very bad relationship. It’s not even a relationship because the man has refused to be committed, but as soon as she walks away he comes back just to be certain she’s in love again. Then he disappears. When I ask her why she doesn’t kick him to the curb she says, “I’ve invested so much time. If I leave – what was it all for? If I stay then there’s at least a chance that it will be worth it.”

Too often we look at our past and regret what we’ve done – maybe time spent on something that hurt us; changes we didn’t make; opportunities we allowed to pass. Our world is focused on looking youthful and I believe this is because we feel frightened that life is passing us by without living the life we envisioned. The problem with spending time in regret is that we’re unable to move forward to having the life of our dreams. Regret keeps us locked in the past and it’s linked to fear. We’re afraid of moving forward because even though we hate where we are it’s comfortable. Of course I liken that comfort to that of sitting in a dirty diaper. No one would want to do, but many people sit in their stench and refuse to move.

It’s funny that the seven deadly sins are anger, lust, gluttony, sloth, pride, envy, and greed. Regret is not one of them and I believe it should’ve been the top. The seven deadly sins can all be used in a positive light. Anger can fuel you to change a situation. Lust (for life and sexuality) can bring about joy and feelings of intense emotion. Gluttony is taking in all that life can bring: the joy, the tastes, the beauty of the world. Sloth allows you to slow down and rest. Pride in who you are drives you to be better and stronger. Envy shows you what you truly want from life. And greed – well maybe we should be greedy about living the best life we can live so that we can give more to others.

But regret – what does that give us. It keeps us held in the past afraid of the future and stuck in our smelly… well you know what.

You have a choice everyday. Stay stuck in the past of regret or move forward to the brilliance of a future yet untold. My priest went on a sabbatical and while there he took a sheet of paper with eighty-four boxes drawn on it. Eighty-four is now the average life span. He then marked off a box for each year of his life. When he looked down and saw that he only had seventeen boxes left he said is was humbling and scary. The question became what he was going to do with the rest of his time.

What are you going to do with the boxes you have left? Achieve something great to put in each one or sit around in situations, relationships, or emotions that don’t bring anything to your life? It’s your choice.

I skated two hours this morning. By the time I was done I had bruised knees from falling, I was so exhausted I could barely skate off the ice with my skate bag, and now every time I stand up I’m in so much pain from soreness I feel rather old. But I’m blissfully happy and I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.

So many people talk about the motivation to exercise. Billions of dollars are spent each year on machines, gimmicks, weight loss programs, gym memberships, and whatever else. Still many people hate the thought of exercising. I have a different suggestion – find a dream you’ve always wanted to achieve that has to do with being physical. Then pursue that dream with everything you have. Maybe it’s running a marathon, learning to ice skate, becoming a dancer, surfer, kayaker or hiker. Find the thing that brings you joy and needing to find the motivation to exercise and get into shape will be a thing of the past. Instead it will be a blessing every time you get to move.

Heck, you won’t even mind bruises and soreness. It will simply be a reminder that you’re really living life.

A friend said to me last night, “Maybe you should not be so open about your life and your dreams. It’s intimidating.”

“What do you mean,” I asked.

“Your always talking about how amazing your life is and all the great things you get to experience. It’s intimidating to me, other people, and especially men. I’m not telling you that you have to change, but just tone it down.”

I thought about what she said. I’m not trying to brag or to say, ‘look at my life – I have it all together.’ Instead, I’m humbled by what has happened and I want to share it with the world because if I can do it then anyone can. But by doing this do I make others feel bad?

I went to talk to my business partner and closest friend. I told him what she said and he became angry. “I’m sorry, but does Donald Trump go around humble about what he’s doing? Does any great leader who found a way to live a great life lower themselves to make others feel better about their lives? You are determined to go after your dreams and because of that you radiate happiness. You try to share it with others so that they know they can do it to. And yeah, it’s going to make people feel bad not because of you, but because of what they aren’t doing in their own lives. So what if it’s intimidating to others it’s because they know they can be more and they aren’t.”

So today I’m grateful to my best friend David Klosen who kicked me in the pants and told me that I should be myself no matter what people say.

The Patriots are taking on the Giants in the Superbowl this weekend – Go Patriots! Four years ago they played each other. It was supposed to be the end of the perfect season for the Pats. All signs said they would win throughout the whole game, but then in the last minute they lost. The perfect season record was gone. I’m a die hard Pats fan, but what hurt more than anything at that moment was that I felt like all magic was gone. That night I went home alone for the first time in eight years. I’d left my relationship and I was lost.

If only I had known that day that the real magic in my life was just beginning.

It was only a few weeks later that I met a man who would help me to transform my life. His name was Father Anthony and he was the pastor at St. Francis of Assisi Parish in Sacramento. If anyone had told me in the years before that I would return to Catholicism I would’ve laughed. I had left the church when I was eleven with no intentions to return. But on a day where I was down and lost, I found myself walking into St. Francis.

Father Anthony was presiding and in his homily he said, “If God didn’t want you to be abundant than why did he put so much pollen in every flower?” He took one a flower from around the baptismal and shook it so that the yellow pollen sprinkled to the floor. “Look at the grass and the leaves. Go to the grocery store and see how many apples are produced. Everywhere you look life is overflowing in abundance. You’re supposed to live fully and in a beautiful way.”

When I left the church and looked up at the steeple I wondered if I had really entered a Catholic church. I was so curious about this pastor that I had to return the next week. Once again, I walked in feeling alone and lost – feeling like there was a lack of love in my life. Father Anthony seemed to speak directly to me, “When you feel like there’s no love in your life go out in the sun. Stand there for a moment and soak it in. God is like the sunlight. You don’t have to be worthy of the sun, you don’t have to be anything but present. Look around and see all the beauty God has provided.” Father Anthony threw up his arms and laughed this crazy laugh that made the entire church join in the laughter. “You aren’t meant to be miserable but happy.”

I’m not trying to get religious in this blog by telling you what my priest said to me, but his words began to change my life. I left the church that day and I went for a walk in the park. I sat in the sun and suddenly I didn’t feel so alone. I looked at the flowers beginning to bud and realized that this priest was right – there was a world of abundance and I could wallow in what I didn’t have, or I could start seeing what was right in front of me. It took me many months to heal, my brother almost dying, and a lot of quiet contemplation to find my way to making my list of dreams. In the last three and a half years of my journey to go after my list of dreams it’s been Father Anthony’s humor and wisdom that has sometimes been my guiding voice. He’s become a friend as we’ve worked together on Parish Council.

Yesterday he announced that he will be leaving our church. He’s been offered a position teaching novices. In four months he will move away and I won’t have his homilies. I realized when he said he was leaving that he has been one of the main reasons I’ve stayed in Sacramento, California. His announcement has left me questioning if it’s time for me to move as well.

The next four months are about working on my book, building my business, training hard in skating, and working towards going on a round the world trip. I’m not certain what the road ahead holds, but I know that things are changing in my life. I’m feeling restless and I’m wondering if there is something even bigger and better waiting for me.

I don’t know if Father Anthony knows what he brought to my life or how much he helped me. I guess no one ever knows how they might inspire another. But people come into our lives and they touch us deeply. For me he was one of the greatest gifts I could ever receive.

“I eat a really healthy diet, work out, meditate, and spend time doing the things I love,” I responded.

“But there’s gotta be more to it than that,” my friend replied. “You were just born with more energy than everyone else.”

“What?”

I don’t have a magic wand, I had told her the answer but she refused to believe me. So here’s a great video that explains exactly what I’m talking about.

If you want everything in life then you better treat the vessel that gives you life right.

I decided to add a health and wellness section to this blog for this exact reason. If you don’t have energy, fitness, and mental focus you might as well give up on your dreams before you even start going after them. Before I began my list of dreams I had completed P90X. When I started the program I hadn’t planned on going after all of my dreams. I just wasn’t happy with how I looked.

When I began my list of dreams, having finished P90x gave me the strength to be able to do all the things that came to me.

This section is about fueling your body and mind to be able to accomplish everything you are meant to do in this life. Check back often for tips on eating well, working out, meditation, and stress relief.

Have a healthy, dream filled day.

I was lying in bed one night thinking about everything I was grateful for in my life. My cat Max was cuddled with me and he was purring loudly, which somehow magnified the happiness I was feeling. I realized that though nothing amazing or spectacular was happening at that moment I was feeling incredible joy.

Gratitude + love = happiness magnified.

This corner isn’t about my journey of going after my dreams. There won’t be any musings on the teachings of life. Instead it’s just a place to post the daily things that make me grateful. I hope you will comment and add your gratitude list as well. The more we are grateful for what we have the more life brings us.

Over the holiday I had the chance to complete one of the dreams on my list – to skate in Rockefeller center at Christmas time. I was in New York visiting friends and meeting my agent and editor for lunch. I brought my skates and went to the rink excited to finally make this dream come true. Over the years I had watched the greatest skaters in the world perform on this rink during morning shows. I’d imagined spinning while staring up at the Christmas tree lights. I had all these romantic notions of what it would be like until reality struck.

I stood in line with hundreds of people. The wind whipped around the rink and I burrowed into my coat. The ice surface wasn’t smooth and glassy like I’d seen on television. Instead, it was covered in snow from too many people skating at once. There wasn’t a place to do spins. I had said I was going to skate and it was the chance to make a dream come true, but after a half hour in line I realized that the reality of this dream just wasn’t going to live up to the romance in my mind. I left the rink.

Many times we get an idea in our minds of our perfect life. Maybe it’s the idea that once your married you will be happy. Or once you have children your life will be complete. For some it’s finding that perfect job or winning the lottery. If only happiness were this easy.

I’ve learned on this journey that the actual accomplishment of a dream isn’t what brings happiness. There’s a high that happens with every dream I make come true, but it’s not a lasting joy. I have dreams to become a best selling author, grow my company, see more of the world, and continue the life I now get to lead, but I also realize that there’s a possibility that my book might not become a best seller, I might not get to go around the world, or my company could fail. Of course I have romantic notions of what it will be like to get everything I want, but at the same time I know that it could be different than what I expect just like skating at Rockefeller center.

I think many people romanticize about the partners they choose. They have an idea of what their life is going to be like and when the other person doesn’t live up to this fantasy they feel lied to when many times it was their own ideas not the person who let them down.

Another thing I’ve heard on a regular basis lately, “I want to write a book. I know exactly what it’s going to look like and who’s going to buy it. And I want to finish it in the next five to eight months. Tell me how you did it.”

Let’s start back eleven years ago when I wrote my first novel that wasn’t good enough. Fast forward five years when I started the novel that has now been picked up. I wrote, I edited, I wrote another version. I sent it for a critique. I revised again and again and again. I gave it to three people to read and then I edited some more. I got agent representation. I rewrote the book five times to make it what got signed to Simon & Schuster. I learned to be a better writer. I studied, I stared at walls finding inspiration. I worked harder than I thought I could and now I will do one more rewrite before it hits the shelves. It will take fifteen months to hit the shelves.

“Well can I just put it online and not have to do all that work?” is the usual reply.

I believe in visualizing what you want. I’m living proof that you should go after everything your heart desires. But it’s important to also be grounded in reality. The truth about happiness is that if you get it from outside sources it can always be taken away. Money can come and go in your life. Partners can change, leave, or get sick and pass away. Material things get worn out. Injuries can happen and you can no longer do the things you love. It may take more work than you imagined.

Many people want one dream so desperately, thinking it’s going to complete something in them, that they can’t release the romantic idea and realize that it might not be happening because either it’s the wrong time, the wrong person, or maybe they still have some growing to do in order for it to be the right time.

I leave you with this one last thought – If your dream comes with the words, “I will be happy when…” or “I just need this to happen….” then it’s time to look at what romanticized version you’ve created. Reality is always going to be better in the end.