Firewalking

Posted by Marci on Dec 2, 2010 in | 0 comments

The drum’s beat pulsed in my body as I stared at the forty feet of flames. Heat flushed my skin and burned my eyes as I danced closer to the long bonfire. I looked into the night sky; stars glimmered above the tall trees as I breathed the smokey air.

The people dancing around me became a distant knowledge. All I could see was the bright orange, yellow, and blue flames as the fire moved in the wind.

Hours passed. I became entranced in my fear of crossing this path. Forty feet was the longest I’d ever walked. My mind flashed through my years of fire walking.  I was fifteen the first time. I did it to face fear head on. If I could use my mind to overcome the fact that fire burns, than what else in reality could I change? I crossed, happily checking it off my list with no intentions of returning.

But two years later I found myself back at the fire. This time the experience went deeper. As the flames went up, I found myself facing the truth. I was seventeen and hiding the fact that I had eating disorders. As I spoke my truth of what had been happening inside of me and how alone I felt, person after person in the group came forward to tell me that they too felt the way I did. Instead of feeling ashamed, I realized that I was no different from anyone else. Surrounded by love and support, my burden lifted and I crossed the hot coals.

The third time I crossed magic happened. This time, as others faced their inner demons, the group became very close. We sang together under the Northern Lights of Maine as the fire burned down. When one person spoke that she had only been sober and clean three weeks and couldn’t find the strength to cross, a man took her hand and said, “I’ve been clean ten years, I’ll walk with you.” The more we sang, the more people crossed, the more we became one. As I stepped onto the coals, reality sank away and I became one with everything. It was a peace deeper than I’d ever known and I felt that for the first time I knew God. That was when I decided to teach this ancient practice.

The forty feet of flames returned to my vision as they raked out the coals. Before me was a long road of glowing red embers burning at over 1000 degrees. I listened to the drums, I felt the night air, I left behind my fears and stepped onto the fire. Time stopped, the world fell away, and I felt a touch of something that held me in its arms. I felt connected to all life.

After the forty foot walk, I stopped crossing the fire. It no longer brought the same connection. I taught others to walk, and saw them strip away their fears, but for me, that final time across the forty-feet gave me everything I needed. Someday I may return, but for now, I know the deep embrace of a higher power and have no need.

People always ask me, “But how does it work?” After numerous walks, and becoming a certified teacher, I still don’t have an answer. For each person that faces the fire it’s a different experience. The one thing I know is that you can get burned, but you can also soar.