Lifting Someone Up Who’s Lost All Hope

Posted by Marci on Dec 2, 2010 in | 0 comments

I felt selfish when I placed this dream on my list. In order for me to fulfill my dream of lifting someone up who’d lost all hope, someone else had to be in a state of despair. But this dream had more to do with the kind of person I wanted to be than the desire to feel good because I helped another.

When a girlfriend and her children came to visit for the weekend, I noticed the exhaustion and emotion on my friend’s face. She tried to smile, but in her eyes I could see her falling apart.

That night we talked till three in the morning. Over the previous year her life had been in constant turmoil. When I woke, I saw that she still hadn’t slept and that she’d spent the night crying. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and make all the confusion and pain go away, but I couldn’t fix it.

As she searched for answers, she kept saying that she longed to run away, to be alone. It had been years since she’d had time for herself. This I could give her. I ordered her to leave her kids with me.

At first, guilt kept her from taking my offer, but my persistence paid off. When she left, she was a drawn woman afraid to be alone.

I had an amazing weekend with her kids: we went to the zoo; ate ice cream; and watched Harry Potter movies. We made pancakes for dinner and snuggled. I felt that I’d been given a great gift.

When my friend returned, she said to me, “You saved my life. I was so exhausted that I couldn’t even think straight and I was ready to run away for good. You have no idea what you gave me. I had nothing left and now I realize that I need to take care of myself and that I’m worth taking care of.”

Her words overpowered me. All I’d done was babysit her kids.

It’s common to hide what we’re feeling. In our shame that we’ve failed, or maybe in our fear of others seeing what we perceive as imperfection, we hide our burdens and show a persona we believe others will like. I think that’s why it’s a powerful experience to be seen and accepted.

It’s easy to push the help of others away. There was a night soon after my grandfather’s death that I was in excruciating pain from an Achilles Tendon surgery. When a friend tried to comfort me, I turned him away. He called back and said, “I know you always want to have it together and be strong, but you’re being unfair. When someone loves you they want to be there for you.”

When he came to my home and found me crying in bed, he wrapped his arms around me.

“I feel like I’m busting apart,” I said. “The grief and pain are taking over and I can’t hold it together.”

“So bust apart. I’ll be here holding you.”

Life can hit us hard. Loss, pain, grief, anger, confusion, and sadness are a part of this human experience. Many times people are caught up in their own stuff and they don’t see others. We need to open our eyes and see one another. We all hit a time when we’ve lost hope and need someone to put their arms around us and say, “I’ve got you right now. You don’t need to be strong.”