To Be Imperfect

Posted by Marci on Jun 1, 2011 in | 0 comments

When I wrote this dream it seemed strange to desire imperfection. First of all it sounded as if I thought I was perfect and therefor had to work at being imperfect. Definitely not the case. The reality is that I lived in fear of showing any type of imperfection or weakness to others. For instance, when someone tried to take my picture I was terrified that my perceived imperfections would be documented for all the world to see. This caused me to take horrible pictures. Before a skating competition or test I would worry that I would fall or misstep showing my friends and family that I didn’t achieve perfection. In my writing, I panicked each time I tried to tell a story for fear that others would think I was a horrible writer. Even when I began to learn photography I was so afraid of how bad a shot might come out compared to my teacher’s pictures that I would shy away from even pointing my camera.

One night, the man who taught me photography said to me, “Stop trying to make every shot perfect. Play, don’t worry. When you shoot a little dirty sometimes you get the most interesting shots.” I thought, what if I shot life a little dirty? What if I stopped trying to be perfect and just did my best in the moment. I decided to place the dream to be imperfect on my list of dreams.

It wasn’t that I stopped trying to achieve my best, but I began to let myself be whatever I could be at any given time. In my writing, I allowed myself to write dirty, to just jot down whatever came to mind and then to return and work it through till I was happy with it. I began to take photographs knowing I could throw out anything I didn’t like. .

At the Adult Nationals Figure Skating competition I realized that I had finally understood what it meant to allow myself the ability to be imperfect. I was so worried that I would fall in the competition (something I’d never done before). I knew that the competition would be archived on the internet for everyone to see and I worried that people would see me make a mistake. I was panicked before I went out on the ice and my nerves had gotten to me. I started skating and things were going well, but then one move caused me to fall. I got up and then almost immediately fell again.

Then something happened inside me – I remembered that it was okay to be imperfect. I thought, this is my moment. It’s not about what others think, but about my enjoyment. I began to skate for pure pleasure and my program ended strong. More than that, I had the time of my life.

Too many times we are afraid to go after our dreams for fear of failure. When you allow yourself to be imperfect it becomes less about the outcome and more about the enjoyment of just being. As long as you go after your dreams there never will be failure. It really is about the journey and not about perfection.